by Laura K. Curtis | Jan 10, 2015 | Stuff! |
I have learned, through years of therapy along with a fair amount of self-observation, that I am extremely susceptible to emotional manipulation. For example, I cry at the bloody Christmas ads where the kid comes home and makes coffee. Books do it. Movies do it. Television does it. News stories do it. Emotional manipulation is everywhere in modern life.
When people say something I’ve been involved in—even tangentially—has hurt them in some dreadful way, it always makes me feel guilty. Even if that guilt isn’t reasonable. And I’ve learned that I have to examine everything to see whether that guilt is or is not reasonable. Lots of times, that leads me to take time off from the parts of my life where the flare-ups occur. It’s the only way for me to stay on any kind of even course.
I went to an all-girl’s school from kindergarten through senior year of high school and that was the first place I experienced “it’s your fault I feel like crap” manipulation. (As an aside, I’ve had a number of jobs over the years that plunked me into groups of women and I have to say that as much as I hate gender stereotyping, I’ve experienced it a lot more often in groups made up of women than in groups made up primarily of men.) Once I realized what was going with these people, I got angry.
Emotional manipulation still makes me angry when I recognize it. (I am still not good at recognizing it, but I am getting better.) Every time I see one of those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials, I get a rage bubble in my chest. Yes, I also get weepy, but it doesn’t make me want to donate, it just pisses me off and upsets me.
Increasingly, I see this manipulation happening in the worlds I belong to both online and off and I cannot figure out exactly why. Everything from “if you don’t do more [volunteering, giving money, whatever], this organization will cease to exist” to “I got a bad review so I am never going to write again and I may kill myself.” Now, it’s certainly a fact that without volunteers, most of the organizations I belong to would cease to exist, but the way that information is presented doesn’t pass the stink test. The other, well, that’s not even worth commenting on.
So what is causing this escalation in manipulative tendencies? Is it because it’s happening so much everywhere else that people just adopt it as their go-to? Is it because privacy is decreasing everywhere we look, so people shove their emotions up front as a shield? Is it because people don’t think they can be heard over others’ wails and beating of chests unless they do so themselves?
Whatever it is, I don’t like it. And I don’t think I can be the only one seeing it out there. But I also don’t know how to put a brake on it. I wish I did.
by Laura K. Curtis | Dec 30, 2014 | Stuff!, Writing |
Dropped the ball again!
Last year, I wrote a little about why I don’t believe in resolutions.
A long time ago I gave up making New Year’s resolutions and switched over to giving myself goals. That may sound like mere semantics, but the two things seem fundamentally different to me. A resolution is a destination; a goal is a journey. If I make progress on my goal, I can count that as a win whereas all I can do with a resolution is fail. I mean, I suppose I could succeed, but I haven’t yet.
2014 was not a good year for me. In many ways both personal and professional, I leave the year feeling decidedly worse off than I began, and I don’t see a particular end to the problems that have cropped up.
So, yeah, if I had set a bunch of resolutions for myself, right now I would would be feeling even worse. But I made it through and now I have some goals for 2015. But I also have new plans on how to achieve more of what I want to achieve for the year. I was fascinated when my friend Bria mentioned “Flexi-Goals” and begged her to talk about it. So she did. And I think it looks great. I am totally stealing it.
I also bought myself a planner. For years I’ve used a Filofax A5 size planner, but I don’t love the paper (in fact, I hate it, so I took to printing out my own calendars and cutting/ punching them to fit) and after the ruptured discs in my neck in 2013, I gave up carrying it because it was so heavy with the leather cover and all the stuff I would stick in. This year, I bought myself an Erin Condren planner. I don’t love the paper in this one, either (I know, I am picky), but I do really like the layouts. For those of you who also want to get organized and productive this year, you might want to check out my Pinterest board of planners and organization.
Someone also suggested a bone-simple way of organizing your goals/tasks that I love. Write them down on sticky notes, one per note. Then in your notebook/planner/whatever, put the most urgent ones on the left page. Everything else goes on the right. As you accomplish the things on the left page, you can toss the notes, making room for the ones on the right.
This is an example of a system, which brings me to the last thing I am going to say on this topic. One one of the pins on my board of organization, one of the pieces of advice is “create systems, not goals.” That is, focus on the journey, and not the destination.
And have a happy, healthy, productive 2015.
by Laura K. Curtis | Dec 15, 2014 | Books |
Today on Twitter I was wondering if whether romance in general had gotten so hot that authors were no longer writing (particularly single title) R-rated romances. Or even close-to-X-but-not-XXX romances. Many people on Twitter chimed in with suggestions and while some are category, I thought I would list them here. (All links here go to Amazon due to my affiliate account, but these books are available everywhere!)
Emma Barry was recommended and the person who recommended her specially mentioned Private Politics. I’ve listed Special Interests, too, just because I know many people (me included) prefer to start with Book 1!
Kelly Hunter was recommended as well, as edgy but not over the top.
Bad boy Caleb Jackson has a secret. At eighteen he’d fallen for his brother’s girl – hard. One steamy summer night, Bree Tucker had offered him her innocence, he’d offered up his heart, and together they’d set the sheets on fire. And then she’d fled the town.
Ten years later, Bree is back and the passion between them burns brighter than ever. This time, Caleb makes his intentions ruthlessly, publicly clear. He wants her. He aims to claim her.
And to hell if old secrets will out.
The person who recommended Tamara Morgan called her “Rom Com” with an R rating.
A couple of Christmas books, by Noelle Adams and Cecilia Grant, to put you in the holiday mood!
I knew Sarah Morgan‘s work from her categories, but I didn’t realize she’d branched out into single title length books.
From the moment they met, fighting together to save two young lives, Dr. Ally McGuire and Dr. Sean Nicholson were and explosive team.
Sean was keen to follow his up out of surgery hours, but while he didn’t want commitment of any kind, Ally knew she could never settle for a brief affair.
Neither was prepared to risk falling in love…until, after one unexpected night of passion, Ally became pregnant….
Fiona Harper also came out of category into single title, but I’ve never tried her. This looks chick-lit-y and fun.
Family-oriented Juliet is a Christmas-dinner cook extraordinaire and is trying to keep it together in the wake of her marriage breakdown two Christmases ago, but the cracks are beginning to show. Her bright and vivacious sister Gemma was always the favorite daughter. Gemma has no qualms about escaping the festive madness and the pressures of her glamorous job by jetting off somewhere warm and leaving Christmas in Juliet’s capable hands.
When Gemma shirks responsibility one too many times and announces she’s off to the Caribbean (again!), Juliet finally snaps. Gemma offers her sister the perfect solution—to swap Christmases. She’ll stay home and cook the turkey (how hard can it be?) and Juliet can fly off into the sun and have a restorative break.
In the midst of all the chaos, there’s Will, Juliet’s dishy neighbor who’s far too nice to float Gemma’s boat and may secretly harbor feelings for her sister; and Marco, the suave Italian in the villa next door who has his own ideas about the best way to help Juliet unwind.
Will the sisters abandon caution and make this a Christmas swap to remember?
A Bollywood Affair by Sonia Dev has gotten rave reviews everywhere!
Mili Rathod hasn’t seen her husband in twenty years—not since she was promised to him at the age of four. Yet marriage has allowed Mili a freedom rarely given to girls in her village. Her grandmother has even allowed her to leave India and study in America for eight months, all to make her the perfect modern wife. Which is exactly what Mili longs to be—if her husband would just come and claim her.
Bollywood’s favorite director, Samir Rathod, has come to Michigan to secure a divorce for his older brother. Persuading a naïve village girl to sign the papers should be easy for someone with Samir’s tabloid-famous charm. But Mili is neither a fool nor a gold-digger. Open-hearted yet complex, she’s trying to reconcile her independence with cherished traditions. And before he can stop himself, Samir is immersed in Mili’s life—cooking her dal and rotis, escorting her to her roommate’s elaborate Indian wedding, and wondering where his loyalties and happiness lie.
I adore both Molly O’Keefe and Jill Shalvis. If you haven’t already read the books in these bundles, grab them!
And, of course, it would be incredibly bad marketing for me not to mention the last book on this list.
Do you have recommendations for R-rated single-title length reads?
by Laura K. Curtis | Dec 2, 2014 | Books, Stuff! |
So loads of people are saying “buy my book, it would be a great present.” And many of them are probably right. But in case you are in search of something a little different, here’s a list of things that might strike a chord with the creative types of all ages in your life. The links go to Amazon (because I have an affiliate account), but I encourage you to buy from your local independent, especially since the vast majority of these books need to be paper, not e.
One of the coolest things about this is that the guy who created it also has a website on which you can get a PDF of the book, so if you want to print out the drawings over and over to color in depending on your mood (or if you have multiple children or want to use them as a party game), you can do that, too.
I freaking love this book! The pictures are gorgeous, the coloring is fun and there’s a “can you find it” game, too, with caterpillars and suchlike. And a little garden maze, too. Perfect for young and old.
One of the more entertaining “unleash your creativity” journals with exercises, prompts, etc. (Also would be fun for those looking for a way to blog more often–scan and upload what you do in the journal each day!)
You know I couldn’t leave a book about crochet off the list, right? Especially when it’s called the Happy Hooker. For anyone looking for a new hobby, I highly recommend crochet. Versatile, easy, and they’ll let you take a hook lots of places you can’t take knitting needles (airplanes, jury rooms…) If you have problems learning from books, I highly recommend YouTube. It’s great how many free tutorials there are out there nowadays!
The Flavor Thesaurus is not a cookbook, but if you know someone who’s a real foodie and loves to cook, it might make an unusual and appreciated present. It explains what flavors go together and why, and it’s just delicious reading.
Try something new! This workbook will help you learn to draw manga-style characters.
So there you go. A few books for you or another creative type in your life. I’d love to hear your suggestions if you have any!!
by Laura K. Curtis | Nov 29, 2014 | Books, Stuff! |
My husband and I spent last week in St. Martin, where my next book (Echoes, coming March 2015) is set. If you live in New York, it’s ridiculously easy to travel to St. Martin, a half-French, half-Dutch island in the Caribbean. My parents bought a timeshare there when I was in my teens, which gives you an idea just how long I’ve been vacationing there. It was only natural that one day I’d end up setting a novel on the island, especially with all the interesting stories I’ve heard from folks I’ve gotten to know over the years who live there. (No, none of them involved serial murder or even individual murder, but I did get to know some really fun stuff about both French and Dutch law. And I am chock full of amusing tales about hotels and the people who stay in them.)
The island’s main industry is, naturally, tourism. Because of that, every available space is used to house tourists, feed tourists, guide tourists, and you get places like Jeffrey’s Auto Parts and Fantastic Guest House and Car Rental. Or a guest house and funeral home in the same building. Or a spot called “Skanki’s Bar.” I can’t imagine seeing any of those at home.
The book is already in the hands of my eminently capable editor, and that’s a good thing. Because otherwise I’d have spent my vacation trying to stuff more (probably irrelevant) fun island stuff into the story!
